Attention is the Oxygen of Insomnia: The Night I Stopped Struggling and Started Sleeping
I created my own insomnia. And if you have insomnia, you created yours too. Here's how we fix it!
I created my own insomnia.
And if you have insomnia, you created yours too.
In this piece I'm going to tell you why mine was inevitable, how I fixed it, and how you'll fix yours too. Let's get started....
The Problem
For me, falling asleep was never an issue. But I'd wake up at 3am and couldn't return to sleep. It was a pattern that lasted years and nearly drove me insane.
Anyone who suffers insomnia knows what I mean.
Why It Was Inevitable
As it turns out, I was always going to give myself insomnia. It was inevitable for me because of who I am as a person.
You see, if there is a problem, I try and solve it. Natural, right?
This aspect of my personality loves to optimise, to seek the best way, to find the true edge of efficiency and use it to my advantage.
And in everything else I do this is a massive benefit. Or so I tell myself ;)
But for sleep? It's a disaster. The kind of disaster that gave me insomnia for years.
My Misguided Efforts
As soon as my sleep problem started, I got a sleep tracker and read everything I could about sleep.
I was convinced that good sleep was the be all and end all, that I had to 'prioritise sleep', after Matt Walker and Andrew Huberman and their ilk convinced me that if I didn't, all litany of diasters would befall me.
Turns out, it was exactly this problem-solving that created and sustained my insomnia FOR YEARS.
Because, problem-solving is good, apart from when problem-solving itself is the problem.
The Good Sleeper Paradox
Think about anyone you know who is a good sleeper....
Do they work on their sleep, or even think about it, in the same way we do?
No! They close their eyes, they fall asleep, and do the same the next night.
Sadly, for insomnia sufferers, it doesn't go like that.
The Vicious Cycle
Instead, in the day leading up to what we assume will be another broken night,
we are fixating on sleep, stressing over it,
thinking about what we should and shouldn't do to ensure our sleep is going to be better that night.
How bad we're going to feel if it's another broken night.
But maybe it won't be - we had a bad night before, so we're tired, and we've taken that new supplement and got our evening routine dialled in.
This could be it, insomnia is on its way out!
And perhaps it works for a night.
But then the following night, we're anticipating a good night, or a better night, and it doesn't happen, and so we lie there, doubly confused, stressing even more...!
And round and round we go.
Never realising that all of these efforts are exactly the thing that is creating the sleep issue in the first place.
The Breakthrough
How do I know this? Because as soon as I learned about the true mechanism behind my insomnia - literally, that very night - I slept perfectly.
It happened that quickly.
It was 10pm, I was reading on my sofa, and I felt the usual cascade of worry and stress around my sleep...
What if I don't sleep? What did I do today that might ruin my sleep? What can I do in the next hour to make sure I have a good sleep? Has my evening routine been sufficiently strict so that I will have a good sleep?
But that night, I caught it. I felt my chest tightening with anxiety, my mind shifting into thoughts and fears....but instead? I smiled. Because I knew what was happening, and why.
The satisfaction was wild!
The Root Cause: Hyperarousal
All because I'd learned about the mechanism behind ALL insomnia...
Hyperarousal.
Hyperarousal is a state of heightened physiological and psychological tension. It's when your nervous system is on high alert - your heart rate increases, your mind races, and your body is preparing for action rather than rest.
For insomnia sufferers, this state becomes activated around sleep itself.
Now, consider all of the things you've done to ensure you get "great sleep" - do they work? Or do they actually create more anxiety, leading to hyperarousal, aka the sleep destroyer?
Ultimately, I was putting myself into a hyperaroused state of anxiety and tension about my sleep.
All of these things we do in good faith are instead creating stress and giving insomnia exactly what it needs to thrive - our attention.
Because attention is the oxygen of insomnia.
The Solution
For many of you, knowing about hyperarousal will be enough, and good sleep will naturally return. By stopping all of the efforts to "guarantee great sleep", your insomnia will vanish.
Here's what you can start doing tonight:
1. Stop tracking your sleep - Delete the apps, banish the Fitbit, hide the Oura ring
2. Reduce sleep-related effort - Let go of elaborate routines and rituals
3. Practice accepting wakefulness - Being awake isn't a problem unless you make it one
4. Embrace enjoyable activities - Both before bed and if you wake up, do something you genuinely enjoy rather than lying there frustrated. Reading a good book, listening to a podcast, or any relaxing hobby can transform that time from stressful to pleasant
Having something enjoyable to look forward to around bedtime also reframes the entire sleep process. Instead of dreading potential insomnia, you're anticipating a period of enjoyment, whether you sleep immediately or not.
For others, you may need to convince your brain that this is the case. So I'll be writing more to help you with this process.